Fly Fishing Tactics for Married Men Who Want to Fish More!

Most married men who come into the fly shop during the weekends enter with a big smile as they are picking through the fly bins at the latest flies, glaring at the newest reels in the glass display case or just picking up the rods from the racks and giving them a wiggle.  It is usually a short-lived moment that goes from happy to sad when I throw out my signature question..."So... have you done any fishing lately?", I ask enthusiastically, expecting to hear all about a great fishing adventure on the Kenai River or The Madison or some other famous fly-fishing heaven. Instead, the smile becomes a subtle expression of wanton depravation, the head bows down and I sometimes get a response like, "Nah, the wife has too many honey-dos on my list" or "Are you kidding...I'm a married man!".  I can only nod and reply with sincerity "Well, sir, I am sorry to hear that!" 

My heart goes out to these guys because I know there is nothing that refreshes the mind, body and spirit like a great time out on the water fly-fishing for your favourite fish.  

Yet, most married guys who fly-fish are usually professional hard working types who know they are ones who have to have to financially carry the family, handle the honey dos, be part of the kid's school events, etc, and finally figure out how they can squeeze in some that quality alone time that can only be accomplished by fly-fishing.   And for those who do not fly-fish, such as a non-fishing spouse, it is hard for her to understand why you need a 3-weight fly rod for the family summer camping trip to the Great Smokey Montains to fish for Brookies and why you can't just use the 9-weight you bought two years ago to fish for redfish on the flats with Uncle Joe! (Much less why you need the time go in the first place).

I may never be able to tell you why these conversations never seem to occur when it is to your strategic advantage such as when she is with you at the women's accessories counter at Macy's buying her next matching purse and earrings set!  However, what I can share with you is that there is one tactic even Lefty Kreh will attest to for any married man who wants to pursue his dreams on the water.  Gentlemen cover your belly buttons here it comes....quite simply you got to give her... "the love".   If she gets the love, then going fishing becomes a whole lot easier.  Even better yet, if you can get her to love fly fishing as much as you do you will be begging for a day just to sit at home with remote in hand because you will be literally "fished out". 

Don't believe it is possible?  Well since it happened to me, I can testify that it is certainly possible.  Yes, I know it is crazy, a fellow fly fishing guy like me talking about relationships when I should be sharing more "manly type" topics such as fly casting tips for double hauling in 40 knot winds, how to scare off bears in Alaska with a good head-lock or tactics for tough stream trout conditions or something that "real men" who fly fish should talk about.  Yet, there will be no double-haul fiascos, grizzly bear smack downs, or IGFA tippet break off stories to share if your "commander in chief of home affairs" has a problem with your fishing lifestyle. This is especially so if your fishing life drains her cup of the love she was expecting from the day she said, "Yes" when you presented her with the solitaire solid carbon piece that costed you the equivalent of one McKenzie Boat, The entire Sage line up and a set of G-5 Simms Waders! 

So how about it guys?  Do you want more time on the water or not? 

If you do, then may I recommend these two tactics before you learn your next cast:

Tactic A -  Introduction to Wife Smooching

Step 1:Read "The Five Languages of Love" by Dr. Gary Chapman (This is a short easy to read book - good for us guys). 

Step 2:Next, do what the book says by finding her love language and giving it to her. (fill her cup!)

Step 3:Then watch and see what happens to your wife's attitude towards your fly fishing ambitions when her cup has been filled. 

Step 4:Go fly-fishing and come back home with stories about fish, bears and broken tippets!

Tactic B -  Wife Indoctrination (Best used after you have completed Tactic A)

Step 1: Tell the wife you want to your "quality time - love language" filled with a fly-fishing trip with her!

Step 2: Buy the wife gear to go fly-fishing ("go for the end zone" and buy the nice Simms stuff so she is comfortable on the water)

Step 3: Teach her how to roll cast and put her on the most productive hole with the best fly possible.

Step 4: Watch, Coach and Guide your spouse then make the biggest fuss on her first fish, take a picture (suitable for framing).  You will score extra points if you use the automatic timer to get a "couples shot" together in your waders together(also suitable for framing).  IT IS THIS IMAGE THAT YOU WANT HER TO HAVE ABOUT FLY FISHING EVERY TIME YOU MENTION IT!

Step 5: If you do this good enough you might actually experience strange phenomenon not known to other fellow married fly-fishermen such as tippets and flies that seem to go missing from your vest, you wife keeps a 5-piece pack rod in the trunk of her car and perhaps that most miraculous text message from your wife when you come home one evening to an empty house and you get that text message you would never imagine coming from her, "Where am I? Where's dinner? I'm fishin...still luv u..left overs in fridge..help yourself!...):P:..Nancy"

In summary, we all have specific love needs.  You need to go fly-fishing and she needs? (Read Dr. Chapman's Book!!!) After all, we will spend countless hours reading about how to "match the hatch" by giving the trout downstream what they need; so what "offering" are we going to select for the wife?  I was always taught that fly-fishing is a "cerebral" sport so perhaps it is about time us guys starting doing some more thinking and develop some better tactics for getting ourselves streamside instead of moping around at the fly shop just wishing for a day of fishing?  How about it guys?

Until then....watch your backcast! 

Robert "Bob" Logan

You can send comments to bob@flycastinglesson.com