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The most important lesson I've learned in my life is that when I accept all that is before me, moment to moment, I have peace. 
In life we all come across obstacles that are in our path and so whether it's low self-esteem, a bad relationship, depression, personality clashes with co-workers, not having enough money, or fear of the future, we have a choice.  We can choose to become stressed out, angry, and overwhelmed, or we can choose to accept our current circumstances and be present with all that it holds for us, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  When I am...

I had a dream of going to the Sahara Desert.  I was going to Morocco for a one-week yoga and surfing vacation, I decided to extend my stay and take a trip to the Sahara Desert.  The desert, I heard, is a very powerful and mystical place; Jesus went to the desert for spiritual practice, Moses went to the desert for spiritual answers, I wanted to go to the desert to meditate, and experience the silence and the stars. The way that I learn in life is to observe the way I live, the consequences of my actions, the wisdom that I learn along the way teaches me about life and answers some of the questions that I have.  Life is a “full-contact sport” not to be observed from the sidelines but to participate in fully.  One Zen teacher, when asked about the meaning of life said, “ you are a fool, everything that you need to answer that question you have inside of you, you are not lacking anything, look inside”.  I wanted to go to the Sahara Desert to look inside, but I didn’t have a clue where in Morocco the Desert was located. Younes, the manager of the hotel where I was staying for the yoga and surfing retreat was kind enough to offer to make some arrangements for me.  After a few conversations he understood what I wanted and assured me that it would be “no problem” to arrange it.  A few days later he informed me that everything had been arranged and that a car would pick me up on Sunday morning after the retreat to take me where I wanted to go.  What I wanted was to experience 5 days of meditation in the “desert quiet” under the “dazzling stars fields” in an isolated place in the sand dunes, far away from any other people, no city lights, no car sounds, just me in a tent with simple food and water.  Younes informed me that the cost for this wonderful adventure would be 4000 dirham ($484 US dollars), for the car and driver and approximately 702 dirham ($85 US dollars) each night for my stay in the desert. Many times in the weeks and days leading up to this trip I had thought about canceling, “I could stay in a nice 4 star hotel laying around the pool or going to the beach, something less scary, no one would know”   As the day of my departure approached my fear level was getting higher and higher.  I shared with my fellow yogis my plan to go to the desert for 5 days of solo meditation, the responses ranged from “ that sounds like quite the adventure” to “ why would you want to do that?” and “aren’t you afraid?”  To tell the truth I was more than afraid I was terrified and I couldn’t identify why I was so terrified, it felt like I was going to die.  I had no idea where I was going but “death” was involved.   I think it had to do with trusting that I would be safe where I was going even though I had no idea where that was.  By Sunday morning the day of my departure I was so terrified that I wanted to hide under my bed. I kept tell myself over and over, “KEEP PACKING”, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. After saying goodbye to my friends (“good luck”, “safe travels”,  “have fun” “Why are you doing this” someone asked again?) I don’t want to live ruled by my fear and the only way out of it I can see is to go into it…put myself into situations where I am terrified and identify what I am afraid of.  I put my luggage in the car and we drove off (to somewhere, the desert, maybe?) down the road.  The driver and I made our introductions (his name was Abdul), he informed me that it would cost me 5000 dirham (not 4000) to take me to Quarzazate, our destination.  I was not surprised that he was asking for more money, haggling is part of the Moroccan culture.  What I was surprised about was the driver telling me that it would be over 300 klm (7hrs driving) to our destination and he would be staying in Quarzazate for 5 days waiting to take me back.  We haggled back and forth each stating their case (he was more eloquent than I), he said he would take me for 4500 dh, I said I would give him 4250, he responded “what’s the difference between 4500 and 4250” to which I responded “ for 4250 you take me to the desert for 4500 you take me back to the hotel (secretly I was hoping he would take me back)”.  He did not like my answer but I left him no option but to accept my price or not make any money.  There was a heavy silence in the car in which I had time to reflect on what a clumsy haggler I was but he would have to get over it.  We stopped for lunch before we left Agidir,  I then learned that I would be paying for lunch and also that Abdul felt the need to eat what I was eating. Sometimes I don’t eat meat, for lunch I ordered salad and bread, I could tell that Abdul was upset at not having meat which he ended up ordering on his own (lamb), I did eat some with him, it was delicious.  After lunch our long drive began.  Because I had zero knowledge of where I was or where I was going I was freed up to just be present in the moment.  There was an innocence and an openness of having no expectations that was very exciting and exhilarating, I felt like a child, wide-eyed in wonder.  The places we were traveling in Morocco were like nothing I had experienced before.  I imagined “this was what Mars must be like” it was so stark and barren and at the same time full of shapes and colors.  There was one area we went through that I imagined that the crop for the area was rocks, they were so thick and abundant on the ground covering a huge area, like they were poured out of the mountains and ran down like a river a river of rocks and spread out over the plains.  The earth was a rich dark red like organ meat. Out in the middle of nowhere we would come upon a man here or there with his donkey hooked up to a stick plowing between the rocks to plant some type of crop (I learned it was Semolina for making couscous).  I could see on the distant hills ruins of watchtowers from the days of caravans sticking up like Rooks of a chess set.  Everything I saw and experienced was new.  One of the benefits I found of having absolutely no idea where I was heading was the only way out of my anxiety and fear was to be present in the moment with what was happening, it was very freeing and very exciting it was like seeing things for the first time and the last time, I called it “living life on the front-lines”. Towards the end of the day and into the night we were traveled through mountain passes over narrow, steep roads, it was pitch black no street lights.  It seemed that my driver thought he was a better driver than I thought he was. He was exhausted from driving, traveling over treacherous roads in a late model Mercedes Benz.  He was driving too fast, accelerating towards sharp corners and braking in the corners because he was going too fast.  I expected the Benz to go through the guardrail and down a cliff at every corner.  I stopped watching and did meditation in preparation for death.  Amazingly we did not die in a car crash.  Exhausted we reached our destination for the evening Quarzazate, it was obvious to me that we would not be going to the desert this evening.  When we arrived in Quarzazate we stopped (it seemed to me) at a random hotel, my driver got out and told me to wait in the car, I was not exactly sure what was happening, I waited in the car to see.  When Abdul returned he brought with him a man that he identified as owning a expedition company and I...

<span style="" times="" new="" roman="" ;="">Dancing Your Bliss

<span style="" times="" new="" roman="" ;="">Freeing the
Body Ecstatic<span style="font-size: 16pt;" times="" new="" roman="" ;="">

Rachel
Fleischman, MSW, LCSW

www.dancingyourbliss.com

415.497.4931

I move and dance to save my life.

This is where we begin and end. In our bodies. The body does
not lie; it invariably identifies what is present in us as well as what is
lacking.

Dancing Your Bliss was birthed out of my own
broken pain. Had I not experienced every moment in my life, just as I have, I
do not know if I would have the tools to share with you what I know, what I
believe to be magical, wise and true.

Our bodies are geniuses. They speak, sometimes we
listen. They cry out to us in myriad ways, often we shut our ears, check out,
shut down, and ignore the messages we desperately need to consider. So the
messages get tucked away under our work, our addictions, our inventive styles
of shut-down. We smoke our wants, eat them, fuck them, rage about them. I took
mine into psychotherapy for 15 years, always wanting something more from the
sessions. I saw that the power of dance was transformative, but also isolative,
competitive even. Therefore, I was not sure how to gain that power and clarity
in the world of dance. Traditional psychotherapy seemed the answer to my
struggles.

I believe that emotions manifest in specific tensions
and disconnects located in particular body parts. Our bodies serve as metaphors
for our life experiences. When we move our stories, or “mythologies”, as the
Halprin method I have trained with calls it, we can begin to experience shifts
and growth.

I have been so moved by the work of...

Let’s go radical this Valentine’s!  Let’s make it a priority to ask OURSELVES to be our valentine.  Why should we do that? This is where my thoughts are going this Valentine’s Day.
 
One of the foundational components (or, as I am apt to coin them, core threads) in my work with people is the idea of radical self acceptance.  An ordinary motivation for people to choose the work of self inquiry is wrapped up in the packaging of a low self esteem.  It is a common occurrence to see that someone is their own worst critic and the challenge of the work of personal growth is an attitude adjustment from self judgment to self acceptance.  Another common motivation that draws people to their personal spiritual work is the deep desire to serve; to serve in a way that allows service to be offered easily without an attachment to an outcome.  Detachment from outcomes comes only as a result of a deep acceptance of one’s self.  I can only love fully if I accept myself.  By loving myself and having compassion for all of me, I am better equipped for loving others
 
This concept of self acceptance is a very important one in the growth of our spirit.  The truth I walk with is that I really cannot truly love someone else if I don’t love myself.  If I am in relationship with a loved one when I don’t love myself, I tend to look to the other to validate my sense of self and this dynamic starts to wear thin after a while.  What works better in the long term duration for loving relationship with other is if I commit and follow through with deepening my intimacy with myself as a priority, rather than have the priority of my relational focus be directed towards others, I have more of a chance of actually seeing the other person and their true beauty rather than trying to glean a glimpse of them through the veil of my...

"My mind is like a bad neighborhood. I
try never to go there alone."
~Ann Lamont; author

Depression stinks. No
doubt about it. Having treated dozens of individuals with depression over the
years, while reading countless books on the treatment of this "noonday
demon", I still believe that the number one factor that really enables me
to get to the heart of this malady is my firsthand experience with it. That's
right. Not only am I a psychotherapist, I am also a bonafide client as well.

Depression started
tugging at my heels by the time I was 8 years old. By 16, the dean of my
high-school would call me each morning to make sure I got out of bed and went
to school, instead of sleeping all day. By 30, I had two boyfriends; Ben and
Jerry. Today, I still have low moments, but they occur far less often, and last
far less long. When my clients tell me that they are surprised that I really
"get them", I often share that I too have had my personal struggles
with depression.

"The
mind is a terrible thing to watch." ~Ann Lamont

I agree. Imagine if we
had a scribe in our heads, even for a day.
I know I would be ashamed to think of what mine might write.

What folks may not know
is that there are very useful tricks we can use to alleviate a sour mood. The
brain is plastic.  It is the last part of
our body to really know something. When we tell our brain that life is awful
and we are doomed, our brain tends to agree.  So, I compiled "Top 10 Tricks to Kick Depression out of Bed, and Snuggle
up with Joy Instead." Write these down, stick em on your wall,
and put them in motion.

First trick: Get out of your head and into your feet
The body craves movement....

We wake up each day with a certain amount of energy in our “energy bank.” As we go through the day, we hand out “energy dollars” to people, places and things in the form of thoughts, feelings and behaviors.  For example, taking care of young children, going in for a breast biopsy, talking to a friend about serious financial issues, working for a demanding boss, all require a lot of energy dollars.  But we also hand out energy dollars to strangers we’ll never see again and situations totally out of our control:...

BOO!
Hiding under the bed of everything we want changed is a huge monster called fear.  Attempting to change behaviors – eating, drinking, spending, procrastination, etc. – without addressing fear – is as effective as asking a young child to sleep in a bed with “the boogie man” hiding underneath. 
 
Fear is a natural response to life threatening situations: gun to head, cancer in body, car spinning out of control.  But, due to chaos, neglect, criticism and other issues in childhood, most of us grow up with irrational fears that – deep, deep down inside – we equate with death:  “If he leaves me, I will be alone (and I’ll die).”  “If they see me at this weight, they will judge me (and I’ll die).”  “If I lose my house, I will be on the streets (and I’ll die).”  The threat in these situations is not to life but to ego and comfort, but the physical reaction is the same: chemicals are released in the body that trigger the fight, flight, or hide reactions, and we end up living in a constant state of anxiety.
 
No wonder we eat, drink, work too much and feel so exhausted!  But the problem...

Determination
 
You are determined.  You are excited.  You are being held accountable by a support group.  You are feeling good.  You are ready.  You wake up Monday morning with a plan: “I’m going to walk 30 minutes, eat healthy when I’m hungry, stop when I am full.”  You say a prayer of gratitude and love to your Lord and Savior, you put on your walking shoes, you kiss your sleeping spouse on the forehead, and you head out the door. 
 
3 hours and 30 minutes later you are eating a donut and drinking a second cup of coffee.  You feel hopeless and ashamed.  You label yourself with all kinds of words: weak, undisciplined, lazy, stupid, fat, addicted, bad, immature, crazy.  You think of calling your accountability person, but you feel embarrassed.  You don’t want to waste her time.  You ask God for help, but still feel bad, so you busy yourself and eventually feel better.  4 hours later you notice that you...

Slow Down and Be Here Now by Rachel Fleischman, MSW, LCSW Body-Oriented Psychotherapist and Founder of Dancing Your Bliss
Today is a gift.  That's why we call it the present.  ~Babatunde Olatunji Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is a mystery.  And today
Studies have shown that Americans are more miserable now than ever. With the challenges that we face economically, it can feel as though we are just hanging on by a thread.  This is not so. We all underestimate our need to slow down. If we are not careful, we live as if our schedules are our lives. At the end of the day, we haven’t necessarily been present to our own experience. Mary Pipher, psychologist says: I have never seen people as rushed and distracted as we are now. We have become a nation of multitaskers.”
 
I am incredibly fortunate to work with my counseling clients. Seeing such a rich and intimate side of people has helped me identify what elements are essential to slowing down and being here now. I feel incredibly privileged to have such a profound connection with people.  However the occasions when we genuinely need to rush are really a lot less frequent than we convince ourselves. The simple truth is that rushing has become a habit for many of us. And it has a negative effect on our mental, spiritual and physical health.
 
Scientists have studied emotions and their effect on cognition and brain function. When we are in good spirits, our cognitive repertoire is broadened. That means we are more able to problem solve, complete tasks and fulfill goals. (Seligman M. E. P. (1991). Learned Optimism. New York: Alfred Knopf. Happiness has even been proven to increase pain tolerance. Negative emotion narrows our thought-action repertoire; tasks not only seem more arduous, they actually are.
When you are rushing the body literally is in panic mode. The physical systems feel as if they are constantly being stressed to meet imaginary deadlines. An occasional shot of adrenaline might be good for you but a continuous stream of it will wear down the body and its immune system. You will tend to get sick more often, feel more fatigued, enervated and listless.
When you are rushing mentally, your mind is always ‘on’. Thoughts of things you need to get done and things you have not yet gotten done keep streaming through your mind making you feel out of sorts and unaccomplished. You may even feel panicked and have trouble sleeping and relaxing. Instead of turning to chemical sleep aides, why not change your habit of rushing...

 

 

It’s 4 am and you awaken with a jolt from a dream you are thoroughly enjoying having something to do with relaxing with your spouse on a tranquil beach. You soon confirm that the sound that roused you is not that of a cigarette speed boat interrupting your sunbathing but that of your 4 year old whaling after another nightmare. Do you: a. roll of and nudge your significant other out of bed b. run into your child’s room and spend the next hour consoling your little one c. cover your ears and hope for the best or d. apply a round or two of EFT and get back to bed in under 5 minutes flat? If you are one of the lucky parents who has familiarized yourself with this simple and effect tool known as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) then the answer to how to deal with a screaming child in the middle of the night would be the same one as if your child is throwing a tantrum about the way you cut his sandwich at lunch earlier.
  Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a universal healing modality that is easy enough for my 8 year old to learn on his own but is powerful enough to assist people with everything from debilitating phobias to serious health conditions. By using a gentle tapping procedure that engages the same energy system as acupuncture, EFT rapidly balances the body and eases the emotions in sometimes very dramatic ways. Gary Craig founder of Emotional Freedom Techniques feels that this indispensable method of dispelling negative emotions should be available to all and has contributed to the betterment of the earth by making the method easily available on line at www.emofree.com . 10,000 people download the manual, which has been translated into 14 different languages, each month. As a mother of two and an EFT practitioner, I pull this incredible tool off my shelf to use with my children daily.
  When my daughter comes home from school in tears that she has had an upset event happen, I use EFT on her. When my son starts to cry because we had to change the plans for the day and he can’t see his best friend instead, I use EFT. When a long loved pet (or a relatively newly rescued tadpole) suddenly dies and everyone is in tears, I use EFT. At the beginning of a new situation where my kids don’t feel safe or the times where we are all too exhausted to be very cooperative or happy, I use EFT. Tears dry up, smiles come back, and anger vanishes like magic.
 
  I recommend that you download and read the entire 79 page manual available on Gary’s site but...