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Have you ever become frustrated with your children when they are begging you for something? If so, you can probably relate to this mom's story.
Begging for Ice Cream One mom told me how exasperated she was while driving her 10-year-old son to Baskin Robbins to order cake for his upcoming birthday party.   Her son started pleading with her to get an ice cream cone at Baskin Robbins.  Mom said he couldn't have one since he had just had ice cream yesterday. He didn't give up hope and instead kept asking her if he could please have an ice cream cone.  Completely fed up, she pulled over and stepped out of the car for a few minutes explaining she needed a break from his behavior.    After getting back in the car, he soon asked her again about the ice cream! Feeling quite angry now, she yelled at him for continuing to ask after she had already told him no.  By the end of her rant, he was crying.  Needless to say, this wasn't exactly the pleasant outing she had envisioned.     Alternative Parenting Responses We don't always do our best parenting in the heat of the moment.  The good news is...

Do you ever find yourself rushing around in the morning desperately trying to get your kids off to school?  Feeling rushed and hassled first thing in the morning is not a good way to start a day!  Unfortunately many parents and children report this is exactly how they feel in the mornings.   How can we change our behavior so that mornings feel calm instead of chaotic?  It can help to take a step back and look at what needs to get done in the mornings and how we want to interact with our children.   Adding Stress by Nagging and Ordering One thing that adds to morning stress is when parents feel they need to give their kids lots of orders to get them out the door on time:  

"Eat your breakfast."
"Brush your teeth."
"Get dressed right now!"
"Remember to bring your clarinet."

Whenever we order our kids to do something, we are setting ourselves up for a possible power struggle.  We are also sending the unspoken message "You're not smart enough to think of this for yourself so I'm telling you what to do."  This is not quite the message we want to be sending!  How can we stop giving orders?  By turning more responsibility over to our children, we can relieve ourselves from having to police their morning routines.  This can be scary as mistakes will undoubtedly be made.  However, children quickly learn from their mistakes and become more competent.  Let's look at a few areas where...

There is a wonderful parenting tool called the Test of Four.  These are 4 questions you can ask yourself as a parent to see if you might be about to overindulge your child (or yourself....).  This comes straight out of How Much Is Enough by my friend and colleague, Jean Illsley Clarke, along with Connie Dawson and David Bredehoft, so please give them credit if you use this.

Does this situation hinder the child from learning tasks that support his or her development and learning at this age? (Note from Amy:  remember that what you do for a 2-year-old might be overindulging if you do it for an 8 or 10 year-old--picking them up, cutting up food, pouring drinks, etc.  Learn what is natural for children to do for themselves at each age and stage if you do not know.)
Does...

My friend and mentor Jean Illsley Clarke has a great book out called "How Much is Enough?:  Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence and Raise Likable, Responsible and Respectful Children from Toddlers to Teens."  This is a really important book for many parents who are struggling with where to draw lines, which battles to choose and how to combat the attitudes of entitlement that seem to be insidiously invading our culture.
Based on years of research, Jean and co-authors Connie Dawson and David Bredehoft from the University of Minnesota have identified three ways parents overindulge children.  Here they are:

Giving too much.  This is the thing most of us think about when we think about overindulgence.  We...

 
As we stand on the soccer sidelines or by the pool deck, we parents talk about the same things.  We are uncertain, stressed out and have many questions about the issues raised by our kids playing sports.  Competitive or recreational?  Team or individual?  How much is too much (travel for tournaments, private coaches, year-round teams)?
 
So many things have changed since we played sports as kids, mostly for the good.  More children are participating, especially girls.  A greater variety of sports are available and kids start at younger ages.
 
Participation in sports provides opportunities for leadership and socialization as well as development of skills for handling success and failure.  Perhaps the most important and long-lasting lessons kids learn are those related to...

 
"I really do just want my kids to be happy! What can possibly be wrong with that?" The potential problem is that it appears there is a connection between parents focusing on making their kids happy with those children actually being increasingly unhappy. What does the research show? Although it seems that children who have their basic needs met plus enjoy many extras would certainly be happy, this appears to not be the case. The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention surveyed over 14,000 students in grades 9-12 in 2007. They reported "During the 12 months before the survey, 28.5% of students nationwide had felt so sad or hopeless almost every day for 2 or more weeks in a row that they stopped doing some usual activities." How do parents play a role? Loving parents can unintentionally raise self-centered, unhappy children. How does this happen? One way it happens is when parents continually give their...

Potty Training DVDs, Books & How They Help
It is possible to potty train without a special book, DVD or program, but it's much easier if you have them! I didn't use any for my oldest, but he also wasn't potty trained until 4 years old. Potty Training was a much more difficult process and he was my easy child!Having a DVD for your child to watch showing them how fun it is to go on the potty, showing their favorite...

When parents discuss how much media they allow their children, the answers vary wildly.  Some parents have very strict time restrictions on their children's media viewing while others give their children more control over the time they spend on media.   How do you know when your child is getting too much media?   One mom knew she needed to allow less video game time when her 7-year-old son started not wanting play outside or do things with the family preferring his video game instead.  He was so attached to playing his video game that he often pitched a fit when he was told the game had to go off.  His games didn't have a good way to save the game for later so he was reluctant to stop playing and lose his place in the game.              She decided to reduce his video game playing to one hour twice a week.  She started giving him a 10 minute warning before his hour was up.  When the 10 minutes were up, he could either choose to shut the game off or she would turn the power off.  It only took a couple times of turning the power off to get him to shut the game down in time. ...

There is an important distinction between grounding for protective or punitive reasons.Punitive grounding is intended to apply uncomfortable consequences and restrictions which can be avoided in the future by complying with parental rules. It may appear to work in the short term, but rarely triggers permanent changes in high risk behaviors. In fact, punitive grounding often simply inspires teens to find creative ways of not getting caught. (Such coming home on time and then sneaking out their bedroom windows later ...)Protective grounding is intended to maintain safety; to scale choices and privileges back to the zone where teens can handle their freedom without risking harm to themselves or others.Let's listen in on both types of groundings being applied to a curfew violation such as coming home late without calling first:Punitive: You blew it and were irresponsible. Now you have to stay at home for the next four weekends. That should teach you a lesson! Protective: Well, it seems like you are not quite ready yet to handle the freedom of being out that late with your friends. I will know you are ready when you are coming home on time or calling me to let me know when something legitimate prevents you from doing so. For now, I am scaling your curfew back to 9:00 to see if that is an...

We have until our children are about 18 years old to teach them all the basic skills they will need to live on their own. Although it sounds like a lot of time, it goes by amazingly fast.  Summertime can provide a little more free time for teaching our kids something new. Children often enjoy helping out in the kitchen.  Learning to plan and make a meal is a fundamental skill.  Is your child ready to take responsibility for a family meal or part of a meal?  Young children may be able to make a simple breakfast (with your help!) and teenagers can typically handle cooking a dinner.   While it may be easier for you to do the cooking yourself, teaching your kids these skills will eventually pay off.  When children help with a meal, they also can begin to appreciate all the steps that are involved: 

Picking out the recipes to make
Going to the grocery store to buy the ingredients
Putting the groceries away
Figuring out what to prepare at what time...