Relationships Articles write an article

Everyone knows that the trouble with dogs is that they live short lives compared to us.  Sissi (her portrait is shown) became an antique 16 year old before she passed away due to kidney failure in August 2009, surrounded by her loving adoptive family and three other dogs who depended on her.  She was a Berger de Pyrenees, with a bit of Briard thrown in for good measure, and the miracle is that she made it past her middle years living on cold cement in unclean, filthy surroundings, rarely allowed inside, and often out in the cold mountain rain and snow without shelter. An old woman, not quite right in the head, used to own her, and her adult son hated her, a very strange reaction to one of the gentlest, wisest, and people-friendly dogs that...

Money is one of the leading topics of marital arguments, and it's not surprising. We each have a money style - a collection of feelings, beliefs, and behaviors that we learned from our parents and other significant people in our lives. When two people make a commitment together, these money styles can clash. How they come together determines whether the result will be frustration or teamwork. How do you tell when disagreements are just difference in money styles, and when they are creating a serious problem in a relationship? Here are five things to look at:

Communication. Couples with different money styles can talk things over. It might not always be comfortable, but they can usually find some common ground. If instead you find your self arguing about spending, saving, and budgeting, then you may have a money problem.

Feelings. Money is a resource, a way to trade what you do for what you need. Money has only the meaning we give it. So if you find yourself feeling afraid, guilty, ashamed, anxious, or depressed, you may have a...

It’s been a long day. You’re on your way home – or maybe you never left home – and you are thinking about the tasks, problems, deadlines and all the other unfinished business of your day. Perhaps you’re looking forward to a relaxing evening with your partner – a savory dinner, something cool to drink, some joking around. After a day as busy as this one, you’re looking forward to a oasis of calm to help you feel refreshed and renewed.
But somehow it doesn’t happen that way. Maybe it’s a phone call from work, or maybe the kids need a lot of attention. Perhaps something needs a repair, or a friend calls asking for help...and you don’t find the time to connect with your partner. Or worse, the two of you start to talk, and your stress level goes up. Maybe you want to vent, and your partner tries to problem...

When I go out with friends and family and they ask, "What have you been up to lately?" I find myself pulling up a recording of saying the same thing I always do, "In school for Cosmetology, teaching Salsa full time and dancing Tango on the side." Then continues a series of questions as to, "Oh, how long have you been dancing?" or "Can I lose weight that way?" and, " Do you meet a lot of great guys?" (which that's a subject for a different blog, ‘Dating in the Dance scene, is it possible?’). However, the question I always seem to get hung up on is, "So, which do you like more, Salsa....or Tango?" I honestly cannot choose between the two, for they give me joy in two completely different ways.
For instance, I love the freedom of social etiquette in Salsa,...

The dream of “happily ever after” leaves many people believing that it’s not okay to argue. But arguing, done well, helps build strong, healthy relationships.
Why Argue?
One ingredient of a great relationship is the ability to disagree with your partner. An argument is just a strong disagreement. It’s not surprising that they happen -- when two people with different personalities and needs make a commitment to be together, there are going to be a few clashes. But when some people hold frustrations inside, they can build until they explode. Others keep their needs, goals and dreams to themselves until they hardly communicate at all – and start to disconnect from the relationship.
Many people worry that arguments will hurt their marriage. But master couples therapist and researcher John Gottman found that arguments don’t end relationships. In fact, people in great marriages argue as often as people who are headed for divorce do. But here is the key – they argue differently.
Benefits of Disagreeing

Disagreements keep frustration from building. They can be a way to let off steam, and to solve problems early on when they are still manageable.

Disagreements can highlight the differences...

The forthcoming book about turning the end of...

In our lives, and my life too, there are certain events, conversations, or literature that change the way we think forever.  I want to share one of those moments I experienced with you. 

I have always thought of myself—in the past—as being very empathetic; however, that might have been like most prisoners  who think they are innocent, or people who do bad things think they are good people; I often hear a person say, “I’m a good person.” Even when his/her behavior makes it clear s/he is not.

Empathy is a quality I felt made me a good salesperson and sales manager.  I thought I could always put myself into the shoes of the customer or the salesperson and view things from his/her viewpoints.  This is an excellent characteristic to have when dealing with people.  However, I found out, I wasn’t as empathetic as I thought.

Then, I was reading a book by Dale Carnegie.  It had the funny title, How to Win Friends & Influence People.  Clearly the title is not in the language of today.  However, it is a very relevant book for how to deal with people—even today.  In it was a moving letter by W. Livingston Larned.

 It changed the way I viewed myself and the way I viewed other people.  Even though I thought I was empathetic, I still measured or judged people as if they were like me, and they knew the things I knew, or didn’t know the things I didn’t know. 

Here is the letter as printed in Carnegie’s book.

Father Forgets
W. Livingston Larned 
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek...

I am a stepmom of two wonderful kids, age 9 and 12. Their mom has "episodes" because of her bipolar condition. She will yell and scream at them, and say ugly things about their Dad and me and other family members. When the episodes are over, she is a very loving person and just does not understand why the kids cannot or will not just forget what has happened. The kids are both at a point that they are afraid to go with her for her visits. We do understand that she has the right to see the kids, but we are very worried about their emotional state if we physically force them. How far do we go without jeopardizing our own relationship with them because we are forcing them to see her? How physical to you suggest we get with the kids? Should we pick them up and force them into her car? She has already called the police when they would not get in immediately.We are talking and trying to assure them that they are strong kids and they can handle anything with their mom, and that in time it will be better… but of course we don't know that for sure, and I don't want the kids to think that we are lying to them.- concerned stepmomFirst and foremost, let me compliment you on your compassionate insight into the situation. Your kids are very blessed that you understand their desires, their confusion, and their experience. Please don't ever underestimate the power of just one adult in their world who can validate and understand what they are going through. This is a very challenging situation for all of you. It hurts to see a child in distress, whether it's physical or emotional pain. As parents, our instinct is to protect our children, and we can become painfully overwhelmed with guilt when we feel unable to do so, even if we are only stifling our protective impulse in order to honor the law. It's a terrible double bind.I suggest you check with your attorney regarding the impact that her bipolar disorder is having on the children. You might also ask about your legal obligation when the kids simply refuse to set foot in her car. There may be some clear directives,...

Lee Iacocca writes about the 9 “C’s” of leadership in his book, Where Have all the Leaders Gone?  The ninth “C” is Common Sense.  It struck me as funny because I would like to know his definition of “common sense.”  It’s a term that any of us would struggle to define; however, we all know it when we see it, right? 
In fact, like Iacocca, other business/management/leadership authors use the same type of words to describe leadership:  character, credibility, competence, communication, charisma, conviction, courage, curiosity, etc.  These words all have the same problem as the word beauty—I can’t describe it, but I know when I see it.
The problem is that we all view the world differently and...

Ah, love. Roses, chocolates, eternal bliss and picture-perfect Kodak lovebird moments. Right? Well, in this high-speed digital world, not necessarily. With cell phones, email, and the Interwebs in general, people spend a lot less time together today than they used to. Which can make it tough to really keep that fire burning. In any day and age, love and romance are just as real as anything else - which means they're super complicated! But living in our high-speed, high-tech world (though it has some pitfalls), offers us a great set of new tools for expressing that magic four-letter-word when we can't be face to face.What You Should Do:1) Send a sweet "thinking of you" text or email from time to time. Not every communication has to be soul-searching and last three hours; sometimes, it's just really nice to know someone's got you on his or her mind. Make use of your technology, and whisper sweet nothings in text!2) Blend the classic and the progressive; use a website to send flowers! If your fast-paced life leaves little...